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lalala [05 Jul 2006|01:03am]
[ mood | bored ]

Alright, I haven't posted in forever and I found this floating around the net and said to myself, "What the hell? Can't hurt, and I'm bored." So here.

[ ] I am shorter than 5'4''.
[ ] I think I'm ugly
[ ] I have many scars.
[X] I tan easily.
[X] I wish my hair was a different color.
[X] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[X] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[ ] I have/I've had braces.
[X] I used to wear glasses.
[ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[ ] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[X] I have more than 2 piercings.
[X] I have piercings in places besides my ears.
[ ] I have freckles. (in the summer)

Family/Home Life
[X] I've sworn around my parents.
[ ] I've run away from home.
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[ ] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[X] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I've had children.
[ ] I've lost a child.

[X] I'm in school.
[X] I have a job.
[X] I've fallen asleep at work/school.
[ ] I almost always do my homework.
[ ] I've missed a week or more of school.
[X] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.
[ ] I failed more than 1 class last year.
[ ] I've stolen something from my job.
[ ] I've been fired.
[X] I've skipped school.

[X] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation
[ ] Disney movies still make me cry.
[X] I've peed from laughing.
[X] I've snorted while laughing.
[X] I've laughed so hard I've cried
[ ] I've glued my hand to something.
[X] I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose
[X] I've had my pants rip in public.

[X] I was born with a disease/impairment.
[X] I've gotten stitches.
[X] I've broken a bone.
[X] I've had my tonsils removed.
[X] Ive sat in a doctors office with a friend.
[X] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
[X] I had a serious surgery.
[X] I've had chicken pox.

[X] I've driven over 200 miles in one day.
[X] I've been on a plane.
[X] I've been to Canada.
[X] I've been to Mexico.
[X] I've been to Niagara Falls.
[ ] I've been to Japan.
[ ] I've Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[ ] I've been to Europe
[ ] I've been to Africa.

[X] I've gotten lost in my city.
[X] I've seen a shooting star.
[X] I've wished on a star.
[X] I've seen a meteor shower.
[X] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
[X] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator
[x] I've kicked a guy where it hurts.(does punching count?)
[ ] I've been to a casino.
[ ] I've been skydiving.
[ ] I've been an abuse victim.
[ ] I've gone skinny dipping.
[ ] I've played spin the bottle.
[ ] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[ ] I've crashed a car.
[X] I've been Skiing.
[X] I've been in a play.
[X] I've met someone in person from the internet
[X] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[ ] I've seen the Northern Lights.
[X] I've sat on a roof top at night.
[ ] I've played chicken.
[X] I've played a prank on someone.
[X] I've ridden in a taxi.
[X] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[X] I've eaten Sushi.
[ ] I've been snowboarding.

[X] I'm single
[ ] I'm in a relationship.
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married.
[ ] I've had someone cheat on me.
[ ] I've gone on a blind date.
[X] I miss someone right now.
[ ] I have a fear of commitment.
[X] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I'm in love.
[ ] I've cheated in a relationship.
[ ] I've gotten divorced.
[X] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[ ] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[ ] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[ ] I've kept something from a past relationship.

[X] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[X] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[ ] I am a cuddler.
[ ] I love to flirt.
[ ] I've been kissed in the rain.
[X] I've hugged a stranger.
[ ] I have kissed a stranger.

[ ] I am a terrible liar.
[X] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't
[X] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[ ] I've snuck out of my house.
[X] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[ ] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[X] I've cheated while playing a game.
[X] I've cheated on a test.
[ ] I've ran a red light.
[ ] I've been suspended from school.
[ ] I've witnessed a crime.
[X] I've been in a fist fight.
[ ] I've been arrested.
[ ] I've shoplifted

[X] I've consumed alcohol.
[ ] I regularly drink.
[ ] I've passed out from drinking.
[ ] I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
[ ] I smoke.
[X] I've taken painkillers when I didn't need them.
[ ] I'm a stoner.
[ ] I've snorted coke.
[ ] I've eaten shrooms.
[ ] I've popped E.
[ ] I've inhaled Nitrous.
[ ] I've done hard drugs.
[X] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[ ] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.

Depression and Self-harm
[ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[ ] I shut others out when I'm depressed.
[ ] I take anti-depressants.
[ ] I have been either anorexic or bulimic.
[ ] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[ ] I've hurt myself on purpose.
[ ] I'm addicted to self harm.
[X] I've woken up crying.
[X] I've cried myself to sleep.
[X] I've seen a therapist.

[ ] I'm afraid of dying.
[X] I hate funerals.
[ ] I've seen someone dying.
[X] Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
[ ] Someone close to me has committed suicide.
[ ] I've planned my own suicide.
[ ] I've attempted suicide.
[ ] I've written a eulogy for myself.

[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[X] I own an iPod or MP3 player.
[ ] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
[ ] I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
[X] I own something from Hot Topic.
[ ] I own something from Pac Sun.
[ ] I collect comic books.
[ ] I own something from The Gap
[X] I own something I got on e-bay.
[ ] I own something from Abercrombie.

Political/Social Attitudes
[ ] In general, I don't like people.
[ ] I'm a feminist.
[ ] I'm very outgoing.
[X] I listen to political music.
[ ] I'm Democratic.
[ ] I'm Republican.
[X] I'm liberal.
[X] I don't like Bush because he is dumb.
[X] I don't like Bush with my own reasons to back it up.
[ ] I am for Bush.
[ ] I'm religious.
[ ] I'm against homosexual marriage.
[ ] I dress fairly modestly.
[ ] My attitude is, "If you've got it, flaunt it."
[X] I'm pro-choice.

[ ] I can sing well.
[X] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[ ] I open up to others easily.
[X] I watch the news.
[ ] I don't kill bugs.
[X] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme
[X] I curse regularly.
[ ] I sing in the shower.
[ ] I am a morning person.
[ ] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
[X] I'm a snob about grammar.
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[ ] I twirl my hair
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[X] I like being neat.
[ ] I love Spam
[ ] I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day.
[X] I bake well.
[ ] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue.
[X] I would wear pajamas to school.
[ ] I like Martha Stewart.
[X] I know how to shoot a gun
[ ] I am in love with love.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[X] I laugh at my own jokes.
[ ] I eat fast food weekly.
[ ] I believe in ghosts.
[ ] I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
[X] I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
[X] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[X] I am really ticklish.
[ ] I love white chocolate.
[X] I bite my nails.
[ ] I play video games.
[X] I'm good at remembering faces.
[ ] I'm good at remembering names.
[ ] I'm good at remembering dates.
[ ] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
[X] My answers are totally honest.

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douchebag for governor [06 Jun 2006|02:51pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Okay, so for part of my Sociology final we had to write a letter to a public figure detailing the effects of something they've advertised on the population. I chose to write to Ohio Governor candidate Ken Blackwell about his latest advertising campaign, which I was irritated to see flaunted the fact that he was directly behind banning gay marriage in Ohio. A few weeks later I got a letter back- here it is, with commentary.

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

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back to school [03 Apr 2006|08:15am]
[ mood | complacent ]

I'm finally back to school after the most hectic "break" ever... which was secretly not a break because I had more to do during that week at home than I've had to do for the last month at school.

I am pooped and I should be in Sociology right now but I'm not. Because Stacey can take notes for me for once, damnit, I do it for her all the time.

I am eating off-brand Aldi's "jelly snack treats" for breakfast, which taste surprisingly good, because I am not-so-secretly a fat kid on the inside.

I have nothing else to say.

Good morning. :)

1 comment|post comment

... [13 Mar 2006|11:58pm]
[ mood | like shit ]

I feel like my family is being ripped apart.

I'm going stir-crazy here at school.

But god dammit, I don't want to go home... it sure as fuck doesn't feel like it anymore.

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D&D [10 Mar 2006|12:39am]
[ mood | tired ]

Okay, so I am officially drained and mildly confused- I just spent 2 hours trying to make my first D&D character. It's a BITCH.

I'm new at it and feel like a big idiot because I have no idea what's going on, while everyone else has played at least a couple times before.

But I think playing is going to be fun, it'll be me, Matt, Ginny, Ginny's bro Mike, Mike's gf Gina, Beth (don't know her yet), and Christine or something like that (don't know her either).

But I can now say that it's official: college has re-nerdified me. Yay!!! It was never much fun trying to be normal anyway...^-^

Oh, and I am on the hunt for a name. My character is a halfling bard, just in case you've got ideas...

2 comments|post comment

happy wednesday [08 Mar 2006|09:52am]
[ mood | complacent ]

So I made a couple more backgrounds for the LJ, one for 'In Flanders' Fields' and the one that is currently up, for Franz Wright's 'The Visit'. Yes, it's depressing, but it looks cool. So nyah.

Does anybody actually read this thing? I don' think anyone does, so these layouts are for my own personal emjoyment I'm guessing.

The new FMA disc and the 4th HP movie both came out yesterday, so it was a good day. But I bought neither of them because I fon't have the money. Hopefully this weekend, though, Matt will buy the FMA disc and we can watch it. If we make it to Best Buy.

Oooh, I'm excited for this weekend. Me, Matt, and Ginny are driving down to Columbus for Ginny's hockey game and a Bluejackets game. I've never been, so I'm sorta looking forward to it. Then we are driving to Cincinnati for another game of Ginny's. It should be fun, despite the fact that Ginny's friend Chuck is riding with us (Chuck is a girl, just a very loud and perverted one).

I only had one class tosay, and it was 8:50-9:40, so it's done! I'm free for the rest of the day! AKA I will be bored for most of it! No, I'm lying; Ginny should be coming over soon, we're going to catch her up on the episodes of FMA that she missed. And when Matt gets back from class, we're going to the Rec to work on getting me into shape. And then we have an ELC meeting. And then American Idol is on (yes, I watch American Idol- Taylor is my love!<3). So I'm not really going to be bored for much longer. But I'm complaining anyway >.<

I managed to write the shittiest paper I've ever written yesterday, but in my defense, it was shitty becuase I wrote it in 2 hours (it was 5 pages) with no prior research or even knowledge of my topic. And it doesn't really matter that it's shitty, the professor I wrote it for is a bitch and therefore I really don't care. Yes, I am aware that that's not exactly the way to get an A, but whatever.

It is finally official that my parents are split up. Mom is buying a new house and Jody is moving her stuff out. I'm not even going to get to see the place I'll be living until everything has already been moved in. But hopefully Mom will be happy now, and that's what counts.

My uncle died of bladder cancer on Saturday.

Alicia and Skye are coming up here next weekend. I'm a tidge excited, but I would be moreso if Skye wasn't coming along. But it's okay because she's a cool chick, she just tends to bring trouble that I don't want happening up here (AKA if she brings weed, I will be pissed).

I think I have officially run out of things to type about. Damn.

2 comments|post comment

new layout! [07 Mar 2006|02:29pm]
[ mood | creative ]

I got bored today, so I created a new layout, and I actually did this one myself! Yay for getting bored enough to do that!

Uses one of my favorite poems of all time, 'Nothing Gold Can Stay' by Robert Frost. I know it's a common one, but I still love it ^-^. I'll probably make a couple more layouts with some of my favorite poems on them, just so I can shake things up from time to time, probabably depending on my mood. But we shall see. Check back for updates!

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doo dee doo [06 Mar 2006|03:22pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Alyssa is yet again bored. Bored bored bored.

So she actually wrote her creative writing assignment which is not due till Thursday (GASP!!!)

Assignment is to 'write in the voice of another'. Alyssa found a challenge online to write about what you think when you see the words 'rain baby'. She combined the two, and this is what appeared: 

Rain Baby

Mama always told me I was a rain baby,
Born when a storm come a-ridin’ in
On the coattails of a summer evenin'.
And when I would go out in the thunder and lightnin’
And dance till I was soaked in the sky’s tears
She would call out the old shutters sayin’
“Girl, what you thinkin’ out there in all that storm?
That sky ain’t makin’ a fuss for no reason,
Ain’t nobody should be out when God’s a-cleanin’!”
And when I’d come inside all cold and smilin’ ear to ear
She’d dry me with the kitchen rags as I told her
‘Bout how the concrete steamed when her rain baby danced.

-A. D. Bowen, 3/6/06

Alyssa has discovered lately that she enjoys writing in this voice in particular, its fun and easy. She would like some feedback if anyone would care to offer it. Alyssa has also discovered an affinity for talking in 3rd person. She will leave you alone now.
2 comments|post comment

sheer excitement... yeah right [17 Feb 2006|01:14pm]
[ mood | blah ]

It's like 1:15, and so far today I have done all my homework, gone to all of my classes, done all my laundry, cleaned my room, and updated my computer. It's ONE fucking FIFTEEN. In the AFTERNOON. There are like 12 hours left before bed!!!! What the hell am I supposed to do for 12 hours?!?!?!

Oh god, I found the most hilarious song on iTunes yesterday... Cowboys Are Frequently Secretly (Fond of Each Other) by Willie Nelson. Download it if you can, it cracks my shit up.

BLAH it's boring here. Well, right now anyway. It won't be boring once Ginny and Matt (aka basically my only 2 friends here lately) get out of class. But until 4:30, it's boring. And I'm bitching.

I still don't know what the hell is up with my other 'friends'... for some reason, like 2 or 3 weeks ago they started acting like Matt didn't exist and ignoring me too, but only when I was with Matt. So now we don't really ever see them. And we've adopted Ginny, much to the annoyance of her roommate ("You're going with them AGAIN?") Day before yesterday we exploded bottles of Coke by putting wintergreen lifesavers in them and running away (it's fricking cool, do it sometime if you're bored), and that's been the highlight of my life. Sad, eh?

No, it's not really that bad. I've been feeling a lot better in the last few days, so it's all good.

We're going to Red Robin tonight or tomorrow, and I'm sorta excited since I've never been to one before. And Rent comes out on DVD Tuesday!!!!!!! We're making a trip to Target to each get our copies, it's gonna be awesome. Hopefully.

And I'm hungry right now. I want real food. AKA not the shit I get at Rosie's (our campus diner).

Grr. This sucks.

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bored [15 Feb 2006|01:57pm]
[ mood | bored ]

I'm bored, and not going to Biological Anthropology today because he puts the notes online and I don't feel like walking all the way to Lowry Hall (aka other side of campus).

Probably going to go get my ears pierced (number 4!!) sometime soon, whenever there's a person at Claire's who's trained to do it.

Yesterday was a good day. I spent most of the day alone (only friends I saw all day were Chris and Matt), did whatever I wanted (aka wasted the hours away reading fanfics and such) like I haven't let myself do in a while, ate whatever I wanted whenever I wanted (meaning just about everything in my fridge), went to bed when I was actually tired, slept on the bottom bunk (like a log), and woke up today feeling much better than I had been feeling for the last few weeks. Maybe I just needing a day to myself to recharge... I hope so, I don't want to go back to where I've been lately emotionally and mentally.

Got on Blogthingsand got some... blogthings, lol. Enjoy.

Your Five Factor Personality Profile


You have low extroversion.
You are quiet and reserved in most social situations.
A low key, laid back lifestyle is important to you.
You tend to bond slowly, over time, with one or two people.


You have low conscientiousness.
Impulsive and off the wall, you don't take life too seriously.
Unfortunately, you sometimes end up regretting your snap decisions.
Overall, you tend to lack focus, and it's difficult for you to get important things done.


You have medium agreeableness.
You're generally a friendly and trusting person.
But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism.
You get along well with others, as long as they play fair.


You have high neuroticism.
It's easy for you to feel shaken, worried, or depressed.
You often worry, and your worries prevent you from living life fully.
You tend to be emotionally reactive and moody. Your either flying very high or feeling very low.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is high.
In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.
You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.
A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

Not so sure about the conscientiousness part, but other than that it seems accurate enough.

You Are 60% Weird

You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right?
But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks!


You Are a Caramel Crunch Donut

You're a complex creature, and you're guilty of complicating things for fun.
You've been known to sit around pondering the meaning of life...
Or at times, pondering the meaning of your doughnut.
To frost or not to frost? To fill or not to fill? These are your eternal questions.

mmmmm... caramel...

Your Scholastic Strength Is Deep Thinking

You aren't afraid to delve head first into a difficult subject, with mastery as your goal.
You are talented at adapting, motivating others, managing resources, and analyzing risk.

You should major in:

Foreign language

well damn, seems I'm majoring in the wrong thing

The Movie Of Your Life Is An Indie Flick

You do things your own way - and it's made for colorful times.
Your life hasn't turned out how anyone expected, thank goodness!

Your best movie matches: Clerks, Garden State, Napoleon Dynamite

all movies I like, nifty

You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.
Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.
You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.
You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

strange, since everybody here lately is calling me a MAN (I hate you, all of you!) >.<

Kelly Clarkson Shares Your Taste in Music

See her whole playlist here (iTunes required)


Your 2005 Song Is

Mr. Brightside by The Killers

"It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss"

Let's just say you're happy to be done with 2005!

YEAH BABY!!!! oh Brandon Flowers, you can have me anytime, you sexy sexy man!

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.
You tend to avoid confrontation and stay away from sticky situations.
You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly.
You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.

::sigh:: sadly true

Okay, I'm bored with Blogthings and I'm sure you are too, so now I'm going to go take a nap. w00t for the exciting college life...
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[14 Feb 2006|08:05am]
[ mood | lethargic ]

Your Life Path Number is 11

Your purpose in life is to inspire others

Your amazing energy draws people to you, and you give them great insight in return.
You hold a great amount of power over others, without even trying.
You have the makings of an inventor, artist, religious leader, or prophet.

In love, you are sensitive and passionate. You connect with your partner on a very deep level.

You have great abilities, but you are often way too critical of yourself.
You don't fit in - and instead of celebrating your differences, you dwell on them.
You have high expectations of yourself. But sometimes you set them too high and don't achieve anything.

You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament

Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace.
You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions.
You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected.

It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional.
You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others.
While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well.

At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything.
You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams.
You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment.

You Are 30 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.
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oi, it's been so long!! [13 Feb 2006|01:35pm]
[ mood | blah ]

Sorry I'm evil and haven't updated this thing in forever, but meh, what can I say- I got busy!

I'm in college at Kent State now, up by Cleveland. I love it, though things around here have been more than a little crazy lately. And boring. Crazy and boring, that about describes the college experience.

Not much else to say... V-day is tomorrow, woop-de-friggin-hoo. Life shall suck. It's my lil bro's birthday, he's 10. Gotta call him later...

The girls in my pic are Spencer and Ashley from South of Nowhere... if you don't watch it already, go do it NOW.

A new documentary about Neil Young just came out. I want to see it. But it's playing nowhere around here, so blech.

And I want to watch Fullmetal Alchemist. Yes, college has re-nerdified me...

My roommate moved in with a friend and I now have the whole room to myself. It's pretty awesome, now I can have friends over whenever I want. But nobody but Matt and sometimes Ginny ever comes over because I am a loser!

And I wish I knew where I was heading. I mean, I know that I still want to be an english teacher, and I'm still working towards it, but lately I just feel useless, like I'm going nowhere. I feel out of place at home and stuff is weird at school, I feel so alone...

Blargh, and I sleep a lot lately and am beginning to suspect that I may be depressed. Not badly depressed, nothing requiring treatment, just a bit of come-and-go depression. Which makes life so much more fun.

Anyway, I'm going to shut up now before I make myself feel even more down. Shoot me line if you've got my number, anyone...

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[04 Apr 2005|04:00pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

Wah! Back to school today!

So much to tell, but no time to type. I'll post later with the deets.

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i'm back! [09 Feb 2005|07:21pm]
[ mood | giddy ]

Got back from California 2 days ago. It was great, much better than I'd expected. So many stories to tell... I really enjoyed my family over there. I'm going to go back this summer, but by myself and with a car. I'll be able to 'relative-hop' around the state, so I won't have to pay for hotels! ^-^ But if I tell you no other stories, I must tell you about my cousin Calvin Jr.. I haven't seen him in over 6 years, and back then I was too young and clueless to notice the things that I did on this trip! Let's start at the beginning:

We met all the family a Pappy's for breakfast. I shook hands with everybody, said hi, all that good crap. Then Cal came up to me and gave me a big bear hug, let go, and went, "Oh my god! You're so much bigger than last time I saw you, you've grown up so much!" To say the least, my gaydar was harshly tweaked. Then he introduced the person sitting next to him. "This is my friend JP." JP waved, looked me straight in the eye, and said, "Oh, hi! Cal's right, you do look bigger! He was showing me pictures from last time you were here." My gaydar was screaming. I wound up riding to the beach with them, and yes, they are most definitely gay. Well, unless straight men hold hands when nobody but their younger female cousin is around!

I love Cal to death... he's got that kind of pudge that can only be described as the infamous "gay pudge", y'know, he just looks big and soft, not overweight at all. He's sweet, and not quite flaming. JP, on the other hand, is just about the most stereotypical gay man that you can imagine. He reminds me of Jack from Will & Grace, but nicer. I have just one absolutely awesome story about him: They were over one morning, and as I walked into the living room after changing, JP sees my shirt and starts beaming. "Oh my gosh, you like the Killers? They're my favorite! The lead singer... wooooo!" I was like, "O.O... Ah I love you!" (except that I didn't say that) They're saving up for a house, so hopefully by summer I'll be able to go and stay with them for a while. They said they'd be happy to have me.

I had a great/aweful day today. It sucked because I had a shitload of work and tons of tests to make up and I was stressing like there was no tomorrow. I got to writing, and it was just a normal day. Class went as usual, until just after the 'North News Network' (I hate that name). Some girl behind me asked Mr. Weida if he had graded our personal narratives that we turned in a few days ago. He said not really, he'd only read a few of them. She asked how they were. He said he was pleasantly surprised, he was happy with how everyone was doing so far. Then he pointed to me, and said, "But I hate you!" I'm like O.O?, and then he says, "You made me feel strangely inadequate." Then he shook his fist at me and said, "You and your darn talent!" and walked away. I was just sitting there, stupified. I feel so SPECIAL!!! He never gives compliments like that! That was the great of my great/aweful day. I'll leave you with a copy of the narrative too chew on:

Naomi (Penny) Fowler

A short narrative, style inspired by Sandra Cisneros' 'House on Mango Street'. This is a little collection of fragments and snapshots of my recent trip to California for my Grandma's funeral.

The flight was miserable, but less miserable than I had expected. The three-year-old behind me was adorable, even though he pulled my hair and drooled a bit. I’m tired and I really just want to sleep, but the city lights are always catching my eye as they flash past. It’s a good thing that I don’t live in this city of angels; even my tiny aunt with her withered old bug eyes is a terror behind the wheel. Palm trees and baseball diamonds fly by; I wish I could fly, fly away from here.


My bedroom, the ‘ocean room’, smells like sand and old fabric. All the most valuable treasures are in little boxes, waiting to be opened and broken. In the halls there are eyes everywhere, smiling eyes frozen in time and dead eyes that look right through you; Uncle Cal’s trophies. It’s almost like being in the wilderness, with trees jutting through wherever they please; up here they’re no man’s property. Dad says that Santa Maria will not be near so relaxing, so I should enjoy the mountain peace while I can. I wonder if he’s talking about the town itself or not.


The house feels like it is waiting, like Grandma has gone to the store and soon she’ll be bustling in the door with bags full of things from the Latin market. Dad’s gone to find a taco truck for dinner, but I think he’s just cowering, afraid that entering this old place will mean that she’s really gone. The aged volumes cry dust and musk as Aunt Carol piles them into boxes. The breeze blowing in the windows smells like Mexicans and poverty; Uncle Cal says that we shouldn’t leave them open in this part of town.


The waitress looks irritated the instant that we walk in the door; probably a hole-in-the-wall like Pappy’s isn’t used to playing host to an unofficial reunion. My cousins and their children pour in the door after me. All these grade-schoolers are a far cry from the toddlers and babies I met six years ago. The Dalke boys all sit around Aunt Carol, probably guilty that they don’t come to visit as often as she’d like. Dad sits next to Barry’s wife Kayleen, who yells at little Andrew all through breakfast. The empty chair between Calvin Jr. and me whispers the unease some people feel around certain others, family or not. They must think that homosexuality is like some kind of disease; if you’re around it too much, you’re sure to catch it. I guess that’s why Dad stopped coming to Christmas dinner after Mom asked Jody to move in.


I’m trying to forget about my blue toes as I watch to seals sleeping along the shoreline, wrapped up warm in their layers of thick fat. Amanda offers me her coat, but I don’t take it; it probably feels like dirt and old cigarettes and I don’t want it, even though I know that her fat will keep her warm like the seals. Women shouldn’t be built so big, they’re too cruel to hold physical power. I saw her yelling at Todd last night, towering and pushing and spitting her crude contentions all over my good night. I wish that he would leave her, but the same force holds him at home that keeps him from work each Saturday and keeps meat from his diet; a good Adventist never disobeys the Lord’s law. Dad must never have really paid attention in Sabbath School.


The funeral is ending and everyone is leaving the dining hall with their bellies full of the food that those meek Korean women made. Dad says that’s what they’re good for, they’ve always cooked for the potlucks. He is done crying now, reduced to glaring at the people with salty tears rolling down their dark cheeks. Grandma’s friends. Dad tells Troy to take her picture down before they wet all over it.
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got tickets [31 Jan 2005|05:10pm]
[ mood | blah ]

Dad got some plane tickets earlier today, so we'll be leaving Wednesday at 12:20 in the afternoon and getting back Monday at 4:45. I got all my work from my teachers today, so I should be set. I checked the forecast in LA (where I'll be flying in to) and it's supposed to be in the low 70's all week... that'll be a nice change from our low 30's! I have to find some nice clothes to wear to the funeral, but I have no idea what.

Oh, and I changed my avatar. It is now the hottest picture of Brandon Flowers in existence.

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life sucks [30 Jan 2005|12:21am]
[ mood | indescribable ]

It's been a happy 2 days... went over to Alicia's immediately after school on Friday b/c we were supposed to help Stephen and Adam move. They never called. Alicia got a new cell phone, her and Jess decided they wanted to get drunk. So Jess went and got some whiskey. Then my aunt called, frantically looking for my dad, and when I asked her what was wrong and if it was about my Grandma, all she would say was "sorry honey." So then Jane called, and Jess went to get her, But Jess went to her work and Jane was at her house. Then Jane called and got pissed at me b/c apparently she told me where she was (except that she didn't). They finally got back here, and Alicia, Jane, and Jess proceeded to get drunk. Then my dad called, and told me that my Grandma had died. My 3 drunkards tried to console me, but basically they just hung on me and kissed me in odd places. Then Jane decided she needed some attention, so she called Andrew and basically yelled at him. I don't know if she pissed him off or just freaked him out, but he doesn't want to talk to her. So a while later, when Jess was okay, she and Jane left.Me and Lish went to bed, and at 6 am we got up for PowWow. PowWow was boring as hell and I wasn't in the best mood all day. First off, Joe was there. I hadn't even seen him until I was teaching, and he walked into my classroom. So then I was distracted and couldn't stop looking in his direction. I felt like such a DA. He didn't talk to me other than that, but I did overhear from Todd that he's actually dating someone now, so good for him. Then I went over to some booth and got hugely hit on by the guy running it, who looks like he's around 23. He gave me his phone number and email... he was nice, but it just freaks me out that he would hit on someone who he knew was that much younger than him. I told him I was a senior in high school, and I know that he's at least in college now. After PowWow I went over to Dad's to make sure he was doing okay, and he told me that he wants me to go to the funeral with him, so I'll be leaving for California on Wednesday or Thursday, and getting back next Monday. Then I left Dad's and came over to Mom's, and then Alicia came and got me and we went over to check out Stephen and Adam's apartment. Adam didn't act like he wanted much to do with me, so I'm thinking that maybe he likes somebody else. I guess it's a possibility that he was just trying to be tame b/c he knew I was upset, but it seems weird that he would think that sitting on the other side of the room for 2 hours would make me feel better. And then I came home, which is where I am now, b/c I really wanted to sleep in my own bed tonight. So that was my last 2 days. Happy happy. Bye.

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laptop! [17 Jan 2005|08:32am]
[ mood | happy ]

I finally finished painting and cleaning my room at 10:30 last night, and I got my laptop this morning! It's awesome, a hell of a lot faster than my old computer. I'm still checking out all the stuff on it, so I'll post again later when I'm done.

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awkward... [04 Jan 2005|09:17pm]
[ mood | drained ]

Alright, I just talked to Adam on the phone. For the record, we both suck at phone conversations. We had nothing to talk about! We wound up discussing movies and being laughed at by both Stephen and Alicia... Stephen on his end and Alicia on mine. Woop-de-frickin'-doo. Alicia decided that we're going over there tomorrow, so I guess I'll be seeing him again. I'm nervous, but my mind is a bit more at ease now that I've talked to him. He does sound like he's a nice guy... and he's terrified of scary movies. That's hilarious to me. But anyways, I need some sleep tonight, so I think I'm going to go to bed. Is it just me, or does tomorrow always seem to come creeping up way too soon?

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new layout [04 Jan 2005|06:54pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

I got tired of the old one. This one is much more basic, but it shows my avatar fewer times, which is good because I changed my avatar too, and it's now blinky and kinda annoying. I'm feeling Killers-obsessed right now. Brandon Flowers is incredibly sexy, by the way. In fact, check out my current desktop.

So, I'm on the phone with Alicia right now. Apparently she gave Stephen my number to give to Adam. Now she is waiting for him to call me. She's more excited about it than I am! I'm more apprehensive than anything... but apparently he's been continuing to talk about me, and not just the ::ahem:: part. I've been told that we were actually talking before anything happened, which is news to me!

The other thing that is new to me is the fact that, apparently, Margo wanted to hook up with Adam that night. She was all over him, but he told her he'd rather talk to me, which makes me feel special, and less nervous that we won't get along.

So basically, I'm still stressed about the whole deal. Woo-hoo.

Alicia is on her way over here now, and she says that she'll be pissed if Adam hasn't called me by the time she gets here. I'll be sorta pissed if he does...

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::grumble:: [03 Jan 2005|04:50pm]
[ mood | bored ]

I'm hungry, and I just ordered a pizza for me and my brother and sister. But I am angry because, for like the last 2 weeks, I have been craving a thick-crust mushroom pizza. They wanted a thin-crust, half-cheese half-pepperoni pizza. Guess who won.

Did I mention that I'm really hungry? Meh, s'not like it matters much, it'll probably be like it's been every time I've eaten since New Year's when I get the pizza. I can be starving to death, but after I eat 2 bites of food I start to feel nauseous. I think all the beer screwed my stomach up... eww. Never let me have that shit again!

And now I'm bored again. I have nothing to do. Well, except for a few review things for exams, but I don't feel like doing that. So therefore I have nothing to do.

It just occurred to me today that the next semester starts in 2 weeks! I'm sad but excited; I'll have to leave Jaimie in 9th period in Wentz's room, but I will get to start Genetics, which should be fun.

I have nothing left to talk about. I feel like making a background for my computer, so I'm going to go search for a picture to use... and a quote. That sounds nice...

I just came across an adorable little article- you must read this!
Holy Homosexual Penguins, Batman!

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